Monday, December 27, 2010

Lemon into Lemonade

Port Townsend, Today. The nation's controversial airport pat-downs and full-body scanners are here to stay, at least for now.

Homeland Security Secretary Janet Napolitano defended the [new pat down and scanning] systems on CNN this morning, crediting them with preventing “unknown numbers of potentially dangerous devices from making their way on to airplanes.

"The new technology, the pat-downs, is just objectively safer for our traveling public," Napolitano said. "We pick up contraband now, and we pick up more contraband with the new procedures and the new machinery. What we know is that you can't measure the devices that we are deterring from going on a plane."

  • “We know unknown numbers are prevented from making it onto planes.
  • "The pat down is objectively safer for our traveling public."
  • “We cannot measure the devices that we are deterring …”
That is "Janetspeak.” It doesn't have to make sense; that is not important. What is important is, that it sounds intelligent!

Our recent article, “If you touch my Junk,” chronicled the new touchy feely approach the TSA is taking to insure your flying safety, by giving you a tune up before you fly.

One admirable trait American entrepreneurs exhibit is an uncanny knack for taking “a lemon and making lemonade” out of it. With all the flap created by TSA agents groping and fondling passengers “junk,” it was inevitable that someone would seize the opportunity to profit from our suffering.

4th Ammendment Underware, takes an upfront approach, to let the TSA know that we know our rights against unreasonable search and seizure. The Fourth Amendment is clearly spelled out in metallic lettering for the edification of TSA employees, a constant reminder of the abuse they are perpetrating on fellow citizens.

Rocky Flats Gear takes a less instructive approach, realizing that logic doesn’t necessarily apply when dealing with the government. Rather, this line of protective underwear takes a more traditional, if not biblical approach, applying strategically placed fig leaves. Apples are optional.

A third company, Betabrands, invites you to submit your design for a pattern to be woven into underwear. Here is your chance to be a creative underwear designer, by designing a pattern providing strategic camouflage protection of your junk against intrusive x-ray snooping.

For the ladies, would a "ditch light" pattern be attractive? Or a more tongue in cheek "caboose" pattern work?

Fo the men, would a “Big Boy” pattern, for the “
size does matter crowd," or perhaps the more traditional, yet suggestive "Johnson Bar" be a possibility?

See Also: If you Touch My Junk ...

1 Comments - Click here:

Anonymous said...

Well I'll be ordering something special as a scanned debutant.

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